Penny whistle Music

Lisa: The three movies of the Pirates of the Caribbean have grossed $2.7 billion worldwide, 6 times costs. This should invite entry until economic profits are driven to zero. In the hope that we are not too late to cash in, we present the Economists of the Caribbean. We open with a scene on the deck of the HMS W. Given our budget, we could not afford vowels.

MUSIC

(Two people at the front, one with a telescope peering out into the distance. We will figure out the boat on Saturday)

Mindy (looking through telescope): Captain--That ship is coming about and closing. I believe they are pirates.

Jeremiah: (Turns and yells below) Hide the money.

Mindy: No wait—they aren’t pirates. See how one is talking and all the rest are asleep? They’re economists.

Jeremiah: (Turns and yells below) Hide the money – and hide the liquor.

Mindy: They are closing.

MUSIC

Lisa: Soon the W was overtaken and boarded.

(Two pirates (Brittany and Stephanie) and the captain (Jeremiah), are stage front. The crew is behind Jeremiah)

Jeremiah: So you have the ship, you have the money, you drank us dry. What more do you want?

Brittany: Your crew

Jeremiah: My crew?

Stephanie: You heard him. Your crew. We are starting a graduate program in economics. We need bodies.

Jeremiah: I thought you attract graduate students with free tuition and stipends.

Brittany: HA! Kidnapping is cheaper. Besides, where we are going, nobody would go voluntarily. We are going to the edge of the world to a place from which there is no return. We are going to Iowa.

Crew (Jeremiah, Peter, Mindy, Carola) : Ahhhhh!

Lisa: And so the crew moved to Iowa and started taking classes, which inspired this song, known for all time as song number 1.

Whiskey in the Jar

(class with Brittany at the front, Mindy, Carola, Jeremiah and Peter in chairs. Everyone talks pirate Ahhhrrrright?)

Brittany: In this examination, we test whether you are prepared to become a pirate economist. Question 1: Hostages can be ransomed in the Dry Tortugas for $30. Hostages can be ransomed in San Salvador for $50. You decide to purchase a hostage in the Dry Tortugas and ransom them in San Salvador for $50. What is this transaction called?

Mindy: It could be option a: transitory pricing

Carola: I think it be option b: discriminatory pricing

Jeremiah: No it be option c): Arrrrrrrrbitrage

Brittany: Excellent. And now a more difficult question. Lord Balfore has three ships full of silver. Lord Montfort has three ships full of gold. What be the impact on the GDP if we steal all six ships?

Mindy: It must be a: GDP rises

Carola: I think it be option b: GDP falls

Jeremiah: No it be a trick question. c: Arrrrrrrrn’t none of the above

Mindy: So how is this test graded?

Brittany: Arrrrrrrbitrary

Lisa: And so the crew moved through the program, which inspired a second song, a song that came to be known as song number 2.

All for me Grog

(class with Brittany at the front, Mindy, Carola, Jeremiah and Peter in chairs) Carola: Here we are in Iowa thousands of miles from the sea. How did you become a pirate?

Stephanie: I hijacked a Casino boat and took it across the pond.

Jeremiah: (impressed) You took a Casino boat across the Atlantic?

Stephanie: No. They had this huge boat on this little pond. Round trip took 7 seconds. But for 7 seconds, I had a ship.

Mindy: What about us. Where will we get a boat?

Stephanie: North. You will soon be sailing the waters of Western Ontario as did the great Midwestern pirate economists of old. We sing songs of their exploits, songs that cannot be forgotten. Songs such as song number 3.

Walleye Rover

Whiskey in the Jar (Brittany)

As I was goin' through the first year Masters program

I sat with Herman Quirmbach for a test of micro-econ

He first produced his pencil and then he drew some paper

Sayin' "Stand and Deliver for you are a bold deceiver"

Musha ringum duram da

Whack fol the daddy o

There's whiskey in the jar

He asked me many questions and to each he gave suggestions

Option A was tempting but then B through E were equal

I flipped a coin in hopes that the God's of chance assist me

But the coin had only two sides and so fortune had to miss me

Musha ringum duram da

Whack fol the daddy o

There's whiskey in the jar

I had to act real quickly for the test I was a failin'

And from the grad school program I was sure to go a sailin'

So I produced me law book and I pointed out to Hermee

That I cannot be questioned without help from me attorney

Musha ringum duram da

Whack fol the daddy o

There's whiskey in the jar

All for me Grog

(Chorus) It's all for me grog

Me jolly jolly grog

It's all gone for beer and tobacco

Cause I've spent all me tin

With the lassies drinking gin

Far across the western ocean I must wander

Jeremiah: Where are me books

Me lovely first year books

All sold for beer and tobacco

The pages were worn

And it's just too hard to learn

At least until we get some warmer weather

(Chorus)

Mindy: Where went the year

Me jolly second year

All gone for beer and tobacco

Once my prelims were passed

I recall I took a class

Then suddenly they want a third year paper

(Chorus)

Peter: Where are me chairs

Me lovely office chairs

All sold for beer and tobacco

Oh the fourth year went fine

So did seven, eight, and nine

In year ten I buried my major professor

(Chorus)

Stephanie: Where is me class

Me friendly freshman class

All sold for beer and tobacco

'Cause there's only one thing sure

My TA job's secure

At least until I write a dissertation

(Chorus)

The Walleye Rover

'Twas the year of our Lord two thousand and four

When the crew set in vans out from Ames

They had saved up their funds for a boat built by Lund

The most famous of fishing boat names

This magnificent craft had two seats fore and aft

And a 25 horsepower motor

They all had happy hearts when they got it to start

And they called it the Walleye Rover

The crew was the best they were economists

Led by Babcock the Skipper from Card

They were brave men and bold although it is told

That no women would go 'cause they're smart

There was Dermot the hunk from the banks of the Skunk

There was Sergio the Latin Lover

There were Terry and John and Barry who's gone

The crew of the Walleye Rover

They had 1 million quarts full of booze of all sorts

They had 2 million bottles of gin

They had 3 million pails full of lagers and ales

They had 4 million goatskins of wine

They had 5 million cans full of beer from all lands

and 1 plastic bottle of water

All safely stowed, you could not overload

The hold of the Walleye Rover

Well they set off to fish and they all got their wish

'cause there wasn't a fish to be seen

So they had time to drink a lot more then you'd think

And they didn't have walleye to clean

But the boat hit a rock 20 feet from the dock

The last can of beer fell over

And as it went down each man jumped in and drowned

That's the last of the Walleye Rover